Maybe I don’t want heaven.
i realized I was gay when i was 14. i grew up in a christian family. my parents are pastors and my brothers and me are christians too. i went to church 4 times a week. let’s say i was a good boy.
when i realized i was gay i was so shocked. i was taught that being gay is a disease that can be healed. my parents always say “we don’t hate gay people, we just hate what they do”. but don’t your actions make you who you are? so i don’t get that.
i’m 22 now and i’m still not out. i feel like i can’t tell my parents. i don’t think they could ever accept my sexuality. even if they tried. they would be scared to death that i end up in hell. so would my brothers.
i moved out when i was 19. i moved to a city that is about 8 hours away from home. just to finally breathe and live my life how i want it to be. but when i had the chance to stand up for who i am, i didn’t. i just could not tell anyone about my sexual orientation. what if my parents would find out. that was all i thought about.
now i feel like i’m over that. but still i can’t tell anyone. i don’t want my parents to worry if i end up in heaven or hell. but maybe i don’t want heaven. i can’t change and i don’t want to.
why is this still an issue?
